When you do not know what's missing..

    I feel soo strange in the last couple of days, i get agitated, irritated so easily, without any good reason. I know that it's not normal, that maybe something inside me its not right, but i do not know what. I was thinking that maybe because of my job, because its too stressful, but now my work is doing better..Then i thought that maybe its because i was tired, so i retired myself a little bit from the outside world, stayed more at home, sleeping more, watching movies, staying more with myself, but that didn't work either. So, i went out with the new friends i made, and i began to feel good...until at one point, when i realized i couldn't stand their jokes: i was nervous again! So i went back home..On the road, in the car, i was almost crying, but not because i left, or because i was nervous, but because i didn't and i still don't understand why..Why am i like this these days???What happened with me? I didn't had any serious problems, and still i feel almost miserable..
   Maybe i miss my friends, my real-who-understand-me- without-questions friends..I miss them soo much, i miss telling them every little thing that happens in my life, i miss the way they knew me..Here i don't have almost anyone who can understands me, i feel alone, although maybe i am not..but the feeling is killing me. I miss the friend that doesn't talk with me, for i do not know what reason, i miss the hugs of the friend who does look for me, i miss laughing with them, or doing stupid little things...

   I know that we are growing up, and the life ahead of us, probably will not be easy, but sometimes i feel that if i have them by my side, it will feel a lot easier..Maybe i miss myself, the real me, the person i am when i have them, because they make me feel myself, they make me feel free. I know that most of the times, i am living in a another world that i see it to be perfect, and in moments like this, a realize that i am living in a dream, and its only me that is dreaming, beliving..maybe that's the thing that hurts the most..and nobody understands ....

Searching for something that does not exist...

    Have you ever had that feeling? Have ever had the feeling that you are searching for something? What a stupid question :)), of course you did. Everybody is searching for something, not everyone knows what it is, or how it should feel when you find it, but for sure everybody is searching...
     I for one, I believe that finally I realize that the thing I'm searching for does not exist, or at least not for me..I consider myself the kind of person with a strong will, a strong believe, and with a big big hope in my heart. But seeing that every single time, when I believe I found the thing I want the most, I'm being put back in this black hole, where the light cannot reach, I'm starting to wonder: " does it really exist? the thing I've been meant to find, is it really there? somewhere?"
    The principle I strongly recommended to so many people, sounds like this: "do not lose hope, do not give up, keep on going,..the things you meant to do, you will do, the people you meant to meet you will meet...Do not lose trust, is the only thing that can make people connect, and connection is the thing that keep us together. Do not give up smiling, is the most beautiful thing you can give to the others, and to yourself. Do not give up believing in the good of this world, do not stop making the things you like, because the day you will, you also will die inside, it will be the saddest day in your life. Do not stop loving, is the most beautiful feeling you can have, and only one that can make you feel alive, actually you were born to love, and make the people around happy.."

    A lot of people, close friends, or just people I use to hang out with, think that they know me, and really good..sometimes I wonder if they really do..I talk a lot, I like to communicate, but how many times people listens to me? how many of the ones they do listen, really understand me? and from those who understands me, how many of them feels me? Feeling one another is not a east thing, but is the most important one..That's why I'm asking myself: " the thing I'm searching for, does it really exist?"