The senegalaise women, the holy women…

            I don’t want to make any comparation, this article is not about that, is not about who are better, who are giving more, no… In this article I am just trying to give tribute to the wonderful women that I found here, a testimony about their lifes, about their suffering, about their peace and their joy. Here I will just try to say thanks to these wonderful women, the senegalaise women, who are teaching me a great lesson, the lesson of acceptance and giving myself to others.

            As we all know, Senegal is a Muslim country, so I will start by saying men are allowed to have 4 women, with the “condition” of having the meanings to support them: give them a different house, food, cloths, education for their children etc. Everybody knows that, and although the women here are educated to accept that, and they say its ok, and some of them want their husband to have more then one wife, that it does not make a problem, I believe it is not to true.

            Little by little I began to know some of the women here, talk with them, be their friend, so slowly they began to trust me, I to trust them, to be close, a thing that really makes me happy. Every time I step in their house, these women are welcoming me with a great smile, hugging me, holding my hand, I can see their joy, you would never think that they are not happy with what they have. But after a while, after getting to know them more deeply, I can see the sadness and maybe the dissapointment, when we talk about the faith of the senegalaise woman. Most of them are raising their children alone, 4-5 children, because the father is not taking the responsibility of them. Most of the men are having, like I said 3-4 wifes, but unfortunetly don’t have the means of supporting them, so they leave the first wife, to live with the next one who is younger. So, the mother has to work, has to raise her children alone. It is heart-breaking to see their suffering: “I believed in him, that he will marry me also legally, with papers, but it wasn’t like this. And I don’t want to have another man, I just want one, so he is the one,. But I am strong, I can raise my children alone, I can give them everything they need”. So, they are continuening their lifes alone with their children. And because they work all day to support their children, they are not home, nobody is at home to take care of them, or maybe just the grandmother, but most of the times, the older brother or sister, which has 5-6 years, takes care of the rest.

            Some of the women, from time to time, asks me to marry his husband or his neighbour, eventhough they know our custom is different, but they are saying that just to see my reaction, they already know that we can not handle that, we can not accept that. One of them asked me once: “You, what can I do to make my husband to love me?” A question that I never heard before, and franckly I didn’t know what to answer. She told that he is all the time with the other woman. I just ask her, if she is happy that he has another wife, she answered: “Of course!” I was stonned. “I just asked you that, to see your reaction. You, the European women, cannot stand the idea of sharing your husband”, she continued. And right she was.  We continued our discusion, and slowly I could see the sadness in her eyes, she was proud to be “the first woman”, that was her only joy and confort. But she was telling me all that with a serenity that, even today I cannot understand it. From where they have all that peace in their soul? Why did they seem happier then the rest? And all the conversions are ending with “Yalla baax na!!!” – God is good!!! After that last sentence, I started to get it: the thing that makes them happy, is their faith!!!! The faith that God is good, the hope that God is there, and everything they do, everything that they suffer or maybe don’t like, is for God. All the sacrifices that they are making is for God. That makes sens..

            Maybe I cannot say all the things I am living here, all the things that I wanted, but one thing I can say, I feel lucky to know them, all the women are holy for the life they are living, by the things they are doing for their children, for giving themselves all the way, without regret. There are a lot of saints in the world that people don’t know, half of them are the women from Senegal.

The distance – the node that makes a friendship stronger

It has been a long time since I last wrote, and its not that I want to excuse myself, but I really didn’t had much time.

Like I last said I am in mission with Heart’s Home, the french mouvement of friendship and compasion. I am in Senegal for almost 3 months now, and although the beginning was hard and not that pleasant, now I am adjusted and starting to like the country and its people.

Heart’s Home it’s not a mouvement where you can just give yourself to others, but also it’s the place where you can learn a lot for yourself, for your own life. The things you must face, the people you meet, everything we do together teach us “the school of life”. In Senegal, we are 8 young people in the house, from all over the world: I am Romanian, there is an Indian, a Senegalaise, 2 French people, one Argentinean, one Chillinese, and an Italian. Together we are trying to live our mission.

One of the things we do here is “Community and Liberation”, the school of Don Giussani, a priest who started this kind of school for the young people, who where desoriented after finishing their studies in the ‘60. In this meeting we choose a text (a spiritual text), we read it, once, twice, three times, we analisyed it and we comment it. And one of the texts talked about friendship, what it means a strong, good and true friendship. We all know in theory what a friendship means: listen to our friend, be there for him/her in need and in joy, communcation etc. But from my own experience, not all friendships “survive” in time. Am I right or not?

This text talks about the need of the distance for the growth of the relationship, and it says: “The distance and respect towards the other are the fundamental conditions of a friendship”. I love this sentence. And of course reading the text, I thought about my own friends, about the history I have with each and one of them. We were almost all the time together, making a lot of things: going out, going to the same university, studying together, eating the same lunch etc. And it was wonderful, we loved every single moment. But from time to time, one of us was isolating, she didn’t talk anymore, didn’t call, didn’t answer to her phone. I admit that I insisted a lot for her to talk with me, to share with me her pain or her difficult moment, but didn’t quite think that maybe she needs a moment just for herself, and beeing angry and disappointed I just left her. Not a good reaction. Instead of being patient and to pray, I prefered to be angry and to leave her alone. Of course after a while, we began to talk to each other, but not because I understood, but because I thought she would change.

This text talks about being friends in the same faith and hopes, believing in God and praying one for each other. I like the sound of that: “..and if the two of them share the same faith, if the pray one for each other, the faith and the prayer they can just make the friendship stronger and deeper, it can never make diminish it”, and it continues by saying: “If in a friendship, the two of them are always agreeing with each other, are always having the same preferences and are hating the same things, it will be just a monotony, even worst: the friendship will never be productive. And friendship, by its nature has two parts: the part where you give, and the part where you receive, it must bring fruits by exchanging the particularities, the differences.”

I remembered my friends, the fact that we are all so different, so special in our own way. And now that I am so far away from them, I can see the truth of this text. At the beginning I was saying and thinking that I will not be there for them in their need, I cannot help them anymore, and I also had the fear that they will slowly forget me, that we would not be friends anymore. Who can be friend with a person which is a million miles away, cannot talk very often, and it will rest there for more then a year? But after just 3 months, and especially after reading this, I must say I was all wrong to think all those things. My friends are writing me often, some of them are even sending me post cards, they are all supporting me, and we try to talk as much as we can. It’s nice to see that we are friends, so close friends, but we are walking in our own way, every own of us in its own direction, but together. We are all growing up so beautifully. I learned to love my friends as they are, wherever they are.

I will finish by saying THANKS to all of my friends, and see you soon. Big hugs from Africa!

P.S. The text is written by Adrienne von Spyre

Important things happens every day...

     For some time now, i was maybe complaining to often about my dull life, that i do not feel like i am doing something important, like all my dreams are just fading away..So, one day i decided to change all that, because after all we have the power to make our dreams come true. I, of course, had help from people that i never imagined they could influence me with something, and finally I met, what i think to be,  planned for me from a long time: Heart's!!
     This organization is world wide, it started in France, but in short time spread all over the world, and I am one of the lucky young people that decided to try something different, useful with my life. This is the international link for those who want to know more http://heartshome.org/?lang=en .After a few weeks in which i spend time with the missionary girls here in my country, and i thought about this decision very good, i come to the idea of going too. So I applied, and waited for an answer, and finally i got one: i will go in Dakar - Senegal!!! This video presents the place and people from Dakar, and makes me to get there already :)) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xss_L9sGu5k
     I will stay there for more then a year, in which i really hope that everything will be ok, for the people that i will meet, but also for me!
     Like i said in the title, important things happens every day, and this news, this decision is important for me. In this time i noticed the people that really are my friends, people who, no matter how, they support me and they are here for me, with me.
    I will try to post photos, videos and articles about the amazing life in Dakar. Meanwhile, i wish that all of you transfrom their dreams into reality! 

Different kind of feelings...

   Weird things happens all the time, but when they are happening one after another, the situation can become really confusing. In the last two weeks, although i haven't had a busy schedule, i can say that many hings happened, and i cannot stop wondering what are their purpose?
   I believe that every little thing that happens in your life, every person that you meet is not a coincidence, everything and everyone has a purpose, bigger or smaller, but still a purpose in your life. The small things that happened this week for me, were begining to mess up with my head: they were producing strange thoughts, doubts, maybe one regret that i have right now, and all of these lead to confusion, in a moment that i have to 100% sure of what i must do. So, a few minutes ago, something happened, someone happened, and after the small conversation that i had with him, i realized that everything else that happened this week, was all about feelings, past feelings, present and future ones. And now I know, now I know exactly what everything meant,..
    The first person that looked for me, didn't give me emotions because i still had something, but because of all the pain he caused me, it wasn't nostalgia, it was sadness, and it troubled me because maybe i still have some wounds that are not healed,..
   But the person that i have just talked to, made me feel good, gave hope and faith, even though he didn't say much, i felt him that he was with me, in every decision that i make, and that maybe he has more faith in me than i do, although he doesn't know me that well, we just didn't had the time..Different kind of feelings that people can give you..but this is good, because that's how we realized what we have, what we want, and more importantly what we feel, what is important to us: looking in the past? or looking towards the future?
   He said that we will meet again, eventough for that we will have to wait almost 2 years. Well, i prefer to meet someone from an instable future, then to meet with the person that i know in the past..I prefer to have hope and faith that..nothing is a coincidence...

Innamoratevi..Indragostiti-va...Fall in love!!

     This video that i've seen so early in the morning, gave me the impulse of life! not love, like it should have, but life! The passion from his voice, his gestures, his whole body was feeling the love for poetry, and with poetry, for love itself..
      We all are humans, with feelings and expectations, with emotions and impulses, we all make mistakes, and we all get hurt, but the beauty of it all is exactly this: in all we do, all of our experiences, we feel!!! What we feel, and the fact that we allow ourselfs to feel, makes life beautiful and worth living, without those we are nothing. "Fall in love, because without love everything is dead"...And he is right, absolutely right, and i know this because in the last few months, i was running, maybe i am still running from the chances of falling in love with someone, because its easier, and safer for my heart, in other words i was beeing a coward. :)), funny though, i never thought that i could ever be one,. maybe sometimes we become somebody that we don't like, without even knowing...
       Anyway, hope that you like the video, and sorry that's in Italian, i couldn't find one with subtitles..still the passion form his body, will give you all that you need to understand, that fallin in love, and to love is the most important gift that we have, and we should do that without fear..

Untouchables...

    Incet incet simtim cum ne pierdem in valvataia vietii. Facem atatea lucruri, si incercam sa fie cat mai diverse pentru a ne simti cat mai vii, si uneori reusim, iesim putin din tipar, dar valurile zilnice ale vietii ne cuprind din nou si din nou, si din nou.. Ne simtim prinsi ca intr-un cerc vicios, din care nu mai reusim sa iesim, si ne simtim pierduti,..Ne trezim intr-o dimineata intrebandu-ne ce este important pentru noi? si de ce? Ce ne face pe noi sa vrem sa ne ridicam din pat dimineata? ce ne face sa vrem sa traim? Serviciul nostru? Prietenii nostri? Ce este de fapt important pentru noi?
     Am vazut astazi un film care sincera sa fiu m-a impresionat mult. Iar melodia de la final cuprinde intr-adevar esenta acestui film, din acest motiv o si postez. In mine trezeste un sentiment, care probabil a fost demult uitat: cel de iubire fata de aproapele, fara limite si fara recompense. Pacat ca ne pierdem atat de usor in aceasta lume plina de egoism, mandrie si rautate. Din fericire sunt si oameni care pot mai mult, care vor mai mult, si ne arata noua, restului lumii, ca se poate, ca sentimentele frumoase exista si se pot darui. Acest film ne ofera o raza de speranta, sau cel putin asta imi arata mie..Sper sa va placa!
 

The truth is in your heart!

   There will be times in life when you must choose between things that are important to us. We might not know why we are put in such positions, because choosing somthing above the other may have different turns in our lives, that we cannot change after, but still we must choose. And then, we ask ourself: how can I make this decision? how will I know is the right one?
   What may look to us important, to others can be nothing, we already know that, but still we go to our friends and family to seek for advice and council. Why? Because we believe in them, we trust them, and we think that by knowing us, they will help us to choose the right thing for us. Well, we are wrong!
   Friends and family are important, and to me, to be honest, they are the most important in my life, but unfortunately for us, they cannot decide for us, they cannot help us much, because every single person in this world thinks differently from us, and what's important to us, may not be as important to them. They cannot say do this, or do that, because what we feel towards a thing, they may not feel the same, they see it differently, and their advise will be from their own whishes, dreams or experience. That doesn't mean they don't care about you, or they don't want for you to have the best things in the world, no. That just means, that in the end, the hard part of choosing its just on your own shoulders. It may seem like a bad thing, but actually its the thing that will make you more happy for what you do, because this means you will have to take full responsability for the consequences of your actions, of your decisions. And in the end, this kind of situations makes us the people we want to be.
   We may not always choose right, we may regret our decisions, but we surely learn something, we surely change, and next time we will know that we must choose with our hearts, because no matter what, the truth about onw self lays in our hearts!

"Oh wells" or "what if.."

  Facem lucruri pe care le consideram noi ca sunt bune pentru noi, sau poate pentru cei din jurul nostru, si facem aceste lucruri in functie de cum ne dicteaza inima, constiinta, ..asta pana la un moment dat. Suntem noi insine, sau actionam dupa cum consideram ca e bine, fara sa ne punem prea multe intrebari, pana in momentul in care suntem total dezamagiti, sau raniti, sau respinsi...Si poate chiar si dupa un astfel de moment, ne ridicam si zicem "mna, se mai intampla", si incercam din nou, si din nou, si din nou. Poate ca avem mai multe astfel de "pana la un moment dat", dar cu siguranta acest "moment dat" ne ajunge, si cand ne ajunge incepe sa-si faca loc din ce in ce mai mult: ratiunea! si astfel incepem sa ne punem tot felul de intrebari, inainte de orice actiune pe care simtim sau dorim sa o intreprindem: "dar daca nu e bine?, si daca va fi mai rau? dar totusi poate va merge?" si etc. si astfel incet incet, renuntam la ideile noastre, iar peste un timp incepe sa ne macine, sa ne bantuie, intrebarea: "What if????" sau in traducerea noastra: "Cum ar fi fost daca..???"
   Nu stiu de voi, dar eu am incercat sa evit aceasta intrebare. Cum? Simplu! Am incercat sa fac tot ce simt, ca sa nu am intrebarea asta in mine mai tarziu. Da, bineinteles, poate ca au fost momente in care poate am simtit o urma de regret ca am facut un lucru, dar prefer sa-mi para rau ca l-am facut, decat sa-mi para rau ca nu l-am facut. Adica, de ce sa ma intreb toata viata cum ar fi fost daca?
   Pe tema acestei intrebari, am vazut zilele trecute un film. Era cineva care se intreba cum ar fi fost daca...Si trezindu-se si-a vazut viata total diferita. A crezut ca poate asa ar fi avut o viata mai fericita, ca unele lucruri ar fi fost evitate, dar..se pare ca intr-un final, a ajuns sa cunoasca aceiasi oameni, sa se imprieteneasca cu aceeasi persoana, si ca mai devreme sau tarziu, ar fi ajuns sa iubeasca acelasi barbat. Evident nu era totul la fel, situatiile au fost diferite, dar indiferent de calea pe care a ales sa mearga, se pare ca toate drumurile duceau in acelasi loc, doar situatiiile erau diferite. Asa ca e posibil sa fie adevarata zicala: "ce-i al tau, e pus deoparte", sau " daca e sa fie al tau, tot la tine se va intoarce", sau " nu poti scapa de ceea ce e pregatit pentru tine"..

 
   

We all have a mission: LIFE!!!!

   We wake up in the morning every day, we drink our coffee, we go to work, and that's how the days are passing, day by day..But what makes a day special, different? I for one, must addmit that in the last weeks, i had the feeling that all days are the same, nothing changed, nothing,..Until....Until this morning! Hearing a simple song, thinking about a person that made me smile at one point, remembering my dreams, or my ideals, these things made an explosion inside of me, and for me own surprise, i was feeling full of life again.
   I was thinking that today i will make something different, i remembered that i wanted to do soo many things but after my return in this, slowly slowly i just forgot about them, and let myself to go down, but i do not want to do that anymore.
   We all have our demons, we all have our problems, ideals and dreams crushed, but it's all up to us!! We all have a mission: Life its self! we cannot stop living, just because we cannot find the mecanisem that keeps us going, we must try and try and then try again, and all of that to fulfill our mission: to live the way we want and feel! So, get up and start runing to your finish line, and across your way make people smile, make people get up and follow you!

Cine va invinge??

   Cand ne nastem nu cunoastem nimic, si totusi plangem..probabil ca suntem speriati deja, fara sa stim de ce. Multi au vorbit despre acest subiect, au scos tot felul de zicale, care mai de care mai adevarate, sau mai intelepte, si evident in cele din urma ne place una, sau ne ghidam dupa una din ele. Exemple ar fi multe, dar ma rezum la una: "atunci cand te nasti toti rad, doar tu plangi..Fa in asa fel incat, atunci cand vei muri, tu sa razi si ceilalti sa planga". Sa fie asa sau nu? dificil de spus..Dar in astfel de expresii nu se zice nimic despre viata pe care ar trebui sa o avem ca sa-i facem pe ceilalti sa planga atunci cand noi vom muri. Si pana la urma de ce ar trebui sa ne chinuim sa-i facem pe ceilalti sa planga la sfarsit? adica, putem sa-i multumim pe toti?
   In ultima perioada unii imi zic ca ma gandesc prea mult, altii ca nu sunt deloc o persoana rationala, ci dimpotriva mult prea emotionala. Dar de ce se rezuma lumea, oameni, doar la persoane rationale si persoane emotionale? Nu pot sa le am pe amandoua? Da, imi place sa simt mai mult decat sa analizez lucrurile, dar si aici depinde de situatie si probabil si de persoanele implicate, dar asta nu inseamna ca nu le trec si prin filtru ratiuni. Poate ca tin cont mai putin de ce-mi dicteaza mintea, preferand ceea ce-mi spune inima, si cu toate astea, mi se pune des eticheta de persoana emotionala, doar pentru ca merg pe principiu ca multe lucruri se simt si atat, fara sa le mai analizez rational. Si chiar daca sunt o persoana mai emotionala, ce e rau in asta? Asta nu inseamna ca nu sunt si realista, ca nu cunosc realitatea, si ca nu as stii ca de cele mai multe ori nu corespunde cu ceea ce simt. Cunosc foarte bine toate astea, si totusi aleg drumul dictat de sentimente. De ce? De ce, ma intreaba unii? De ce sa faci asta cand stii sigur ca vei fi ranit, ca vei dezamagit etc? De ce nu? intreb si eu. Persoanele rationale pe care le cunosc eu, majoritatea nu au trait niciodata la maximum sentimentele pe care le-au avut, si asta tocmai pentru ca le este teama, teama sa nu sufere, sa nu fie dezamagite. Si cu toate astea, multi pretind ca trebuie sa traim fiecare clipa in mod intens si bla bla..Pai cum as putea sa fac asta, sa traiesc viata din plin, daca nu ma mai arunc din cand in cand si fara sa rationez?
    Prefer sa sufar din cand in cand, sa fiu dezamagita, dar macar sa simt la intensitate maxima tot ce se poate, prefer sa simt ca traiesc, decat sa rationez viata. Pierdem multe rationand, riscam ca ceea ce simtim sa se stinga, sau sa treaca pe langa noi. Pana la urma, ce e viata daca nu un sir nesfarsit de riscuri? 

In lumea mea...

      Am trecut prin atatea dezamagiri in ultimii 2-3 ani, incat, recunosc, ca am inceput sa-mi schimb mult modul de a gandi, de a vedea lucrurile, situatiile, oamenii,.am inceput sa-mi schimb idealurile, visele, si nu e neaparat un lucru pozitiv. Multi dintre voi ar putea gandi ca da, e ceva normal, cresti, te maturizezi, dai piept cu lumea reala, cu viata care nu e asa de roz cum credeam..Nu are nicio legatura! Am stiut de mica, ca viata nu e roz ( nu mi-a placut niciodata rozul oricum), parintii mei nu m-au tinut in puf, si niciodata nu mi-au facut mofturile absurde, precum vedem la noile generatii...Nu vorbesc de visele ireale, cauzate de un val care a fost pus peste ochii mei atunci cand eram mica..Eu ma refer la inocenta cu care visam sa crestem mari, pentru ca mai apoi sa ne dorim lucruri bune pentru noi, si pentru cei din jurul nostru. Visam la prieteni buni, sinceri, care sa ne fie alaturi, si care ei la randul lor, sa apeleze la noi cu incredere; visam la intamplari nebune: excursii amuzante pe munte, calatorii spontane in locuri nemaivazute; visam la aceea persoana care sa ne faca sa ne simtim in siguranta, care sa ne ofere protectie si iubire, care sa ne accepte asa cum suntem; visam la un loc al nostru, in care sa simtim ca apartinem, sa fie pentru noi...
    Si apoi, crestem, ajungem sa cunoastem prieteni care ne castiga increderea, pentru ca mai apoi sa ne dezamageasca atat de profund, iar si iar, incat nu mai stii daca merita sa mai lupti sau nu; ne izbim de aventurile nebune, si vedem ca cei de langa noi, vad nebunia altfel, prin alcool, droguri, violente; gasim aceea persoana care ne face sa ne indragostim nebuneste, pentru ca mai apoi sa te faca sa ajungi in cel mai dureros abis posibil; gasim acel loc care ne face sa ne simtim ca de fapt acolo trebuia sa ne nastem, doar pentru ca mai apoi sa fii nevoit sa pleci de acolo, lasand in urma partea cea mai buna din tine...Si ajungi sa te intorci de unde ai plecat, cu visele zdrobite, fara vise noi, fara dorinte de niciun fel, fara asteptari...Si iti zici ( ca doar esti optimist convins) ca totul va fi bine, ca poate e asa doar pentru o scurta perioada de timp, pana te regasesti, pana iti revii..
    Si asa, incurajezi pe cei de langa tine, incerci sa le transmiti tot ce ai simtit acum cativa ani, si ei te cred, te vad insufletit, si isi zic:" e prea tanara, nu  a trecut prin ce am trecut eu, nu stie ce e viata inca, de asta inca maii are incredere si speranta". Apoi seara, mergi acasa. Pe strada doar oameni care simt ce simti si tu: un gol imens! Cauza??? Cine mai tine minte? Ajungi acasa, incerci sa zambesti si sa vorbesti cu familia ta. Apoi mai vorbesti cu unul, cu altul, povestesti nimicurile din ziua respectiva...Dar cand ajungi sa fii tu cu tine insuti, nu te mai poti minti, vezi ca ochii sunt tristi, sufletul se simte pierdut, ratiunea nu mai stie ce sa creada, iar speranta si optimismul sunt doar urme, se scurg incet din tine...
    Atunci inchid ochii, si evadez intr-o lume in care prietenii mei inca imi sunt alaturi, si-mi zambesc, in care cerul e senin, o lume in care inima iinca bate puternic pentru aceea persoana, care ma strange in brate si-mi ofera siguranta ca totul e bine, o lume in care imi gasesc locul, in care ma potrivesc...si raman in aceea lume cateva ore pe zi, in fiecare zi. E o lume pe care nimeni nu o stie, pe care nimeni nu o banuieste, si pe care nimeni nu o poate atinge,..

soulmate where are you???

   I must addmit that I still believe in that one person who is meant to be with you...maybe it sounds a little bit too romantic, or silly, but it's nice to believe that you have a person who is just for you, who will be there for you, and understand you and accept you exactly the way you are...And maybe that belief gives us energy and strenght to keep trying, because without trying, we don't live.
   Love is the only unlimited source of power, strenght and energy. Is the only thing that is worth living, fighting and suffering. No matter how hard things can became if you have love, they don't seem imposible to get over. "Love is passion, obsession, something that you cannot live without. Fall in love head over heals, find someone that you can love like crazy, and that can love you the same way back. How can you find him? well, you forget your head, and listen to your heart. Because the truth is that is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey without love deeply, is like you haven't lived your life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." (Meet Joe Black). Its almost the same way i see it. And I miss falling in love!!!

When you do not know what's missing..

    I feel soo strange in the last couple of days, i get agitated, irritated so easily, without any good reason. I know that it's not normal, that maybe something inside me its not right, but i do not know what. I was thinking that maybe because of my job, because its too stressful, but now my work is doing better..Then i thought that maybe its because i was tired, so i retired myself a little bit from the outside world, stayed more at home, sleeping more, watching movies, staying more with myself, but that didn't work either. So, i went out with the new friends i made, and i began to feel good...until at one point, when i realized i couldn't stand their jokes: i was nervous again! So i went back home..On the road, in the car, i was almost crying, but not because i left, or because i was nervous, but because i didn't and i still don't understand why..Why am i like this these days???What happened with me? I didn't had any serious problems, and still i feel almost miserable..
   Maybe i miss my friends, my real-who-understand-me- without-questions friends..I miss them soo much, i miss telling them every little thing that happens in my life, i miss the way they knew me..Here i don't have almost anyone who can understands me, i feel alone, although maybe i am not..but the feeling is killing me. I miss the friend that doesn't talk with me, for i do not know what reason, i miss the hugs of the friend who does look for me, i miss laughing with them, or doing stupid little things...

   I know that we are growing up, and the life ahead of us, probably will not be easy, but sometimes i feel that if i have them by my side, it will feel a lot easier..Maybe i miss myself, the real me, the person i am when i have them, because they make me feel myself, they make me feel free. I know that most of the times, i am living in a another world that i see it to be perfect, and in moments like this, a realize that i am living in a dream, and its only me that is dreaming, beliving..maybe that's the thing that hurts the most..and nobody understands ....

If we let our souls get full of hate..they won!!!

     Those were the words from some kid, in the movie that I want to recommend you guys. I must say that mostly I have been giving you songs, or pictures that inspired me, but today I will give you something different, something that its surprisingly good: MACHINE GUN PREACHER!!!! A movie that is really great, about true facts, true life, a true story.

     We hear so much about war, poverty, hate. We can have opinions, and we can express them, we can even sustain our beliefs strongly in front of everybody, but how many of us really understands and knows how is like to be there, to feel what they feel? Almost nobody. This movie show us the true face of reality, how people can change over and over again. I am not saying anything about the belief in God, or anything else, I just want to point the power that may lay inside of us, and the way we choose to use it. We can either do good, or either ignore everything around us, we can focus our power for a great purpose, or we can just ignore it. What we do, can have amazing effects in the world, can make waves, and echos way beyond our imagination. It's all up to us!! http://www.machinegunpreacher.org/
       The best part of the entire movie, is when this child, who suffered huge traumas, still has the pure heart and the courage, to say: " I had to kill my mom, sa that my brother and I could survive...If we let our souls get full of hate...they won!!!" We are lucky indeed, but it's not enough just to realize this, we must do something, we must use what we have and what we were givin to improve the world and to make it full of love!
     My deas friends, i truely recommend to see this movie, and I expect your opinions, here...Have a nice week!

Relaxation...

   We have moments in our lives that we linger for some peace and quite, to have our own space, our own time, without any interfering, without anyone that could ruin our perfect moment. We humans, are hungry all the time for something, we never have enough: we don't have enough time to be with our friends, or with our loved ones, we don't have time to do what we enjoy, etc. But most important of all, we don't have time for our own.

   I, for one, I must say that I prefer to be surrounded by people, to be with my friends, because I hate to be alone. But from time to time, like now, I prefer to listen to something deep, something that touch you inside, that makes you float, like the one from above...
   Jazz music is one of my favorites..Hope you enjoy, and you relax..find time for yourself!