Ça fait longtemps…

Ça fait longtemps…

Ça fait longtemps que je ne te voies pas, que je marche seul dans les rues, que je regarde la mer et la terre, le soleil et la lune, et que je suis seul dans le silence.

Ça fait longtemps que je te cherche, que mon âme te désirai,  que mes yeux ne te voies pas, que mes mains ne te touche pas, que mes oreilles ne t’entende pas, que ma peux ne te sentait pas, que mes narines ne sentait pas ton parfume… Ça fait tellement longtemps…

Ça fait longtemps que mon être te désiré, ça fait longtemps que mes penses ç’était seulement pour toi, que ma raison faisait des projections sur ton image, que mon cœur crée des rêves de toi, et que mon corps commencer à vivre alimente par des rêves de toi… Ça fait tellement longtemps…

Ça fait longtemps que je sourire pour les autres, et que en mon intérieure je criai, que je dansai avec des autres, mais en fait, en moi, je pleurai, que je parlai, que je marchai, que je mangeai, et que je dormais, et que mon âme se trouvait, en fait, dans l’angoisse, dans l’abîme, dans la tristesse… ça fait tellement longtemps…

Ça fait longtemps que j’étais perdu dans le monde, parce-que je te perdu. Et avec le monde j’oublie à te cherche, à te désirer plus, et j’étais de plus en plus perdu. Mais quand je me suis réveillé, je commencer à te cherche, à t’appeler, à te désirer, jusqu’à le point de folie… et ça fait tellement longtemps…

Ça fait longtemps que mon âme de désiré, que tout mon être a eu soif de toi, que mon esprit a eu besoin de toi ; ça fait tellement longtemps que je te chercher mon bien-aimé, toi, celui que mon cœur aime…je sortais dans les rues et je demandais les gens : ''est-ce que vous avez vu à celui que mon cœur aime ?ʺ depuis ce temps-là, ça fait tellement longtemps…

Je me rappelle quand je te retrouve, quand je te vu…tu étais devant moi ! ʺJe t’avais cherché, pour tellement longtemps !ʺ tu m’as dit. Mes yeux pleins des larmes pouvais te voir, je pouvais te contemple et adore, mes oreilles ont été dans la joie absolue à l’écoute de tes paroles, de ta voix, ta douce voix. Mes mains pouvais touche tes mains, et tout mon corps tressaillais d’allégresse, mes narines était rempli de ton parfume, et moi, je le respire avec tant de soif, mes lèvres baisser tes mains, tes pieds, tout, et moi, je tremble d’émotion…Je t’embrassais, et t’embrassais encore, sans arrêt…

Et maintenant, tu es devant moi, et tu seras pour toujours ! Toi, qui m’aime le plus, toi que mon âme désire, que tout ma vie je cherchais, toi le centre de mon existence, tu es devant moi, moi je suis dans tes bras, je me repose, après tout cette temps de recherche, je me repose dans les bras de celui que j’aime et qui m’aime encore plus, après tellement longtemps…Je ne rêve plus, je vis…Et toi, tu m’aime tellement… 

The senegalaise women, the holy women…

            I don’t want to make any comparation, this article is not about that, is not about who are better, who are giving more, no… In this article I am just trying to give tribute to the wonderful women that I found here, a testimony about their lifes, about their suffering, about their peace and their joy. Here I will just try to say thanks to these wonderful women, the senegalaise women, who are teaching me a great lesson, the lesson of acceptance and giving myself to others.

            As we all know, Senegal is a Muslim country, so I will start by saying men are allowed to have 4 women, with the “condition” of having the meanings to support them: give them a different house, food, cloths, education for their children etc. Everybody knows that, and although the women here are educated to accept that, and they say its ok, and some of them want their husband to have more then one wife, that it does not make a problem, I believe it is not to true.

            Little by little I began to know some of the women here, talk with them, be their friend, so slowly they began to trust me, I to trust them, to be close, a thing that really makes me happy. Every time I step in their house, these women are welcoming me with a great smile, hugging me, holding my hand, I can see their joy, you would never think that they are not happy with what they have. But after a while, after getting to know them more deeply, I can see the sadness and maybe the dissapointment, when we talk about the faith of the senegalaise woman. Most of them are raising their children alone, 4-5 children, because the father is not taking the responsibility of them. Most of the men are having, like I said 3-4 wifes, but unfortunetly don’t have the means of supporting them, so they leave the first wife, to live with the next one who is younger. So, the mother has to work, has to raise her children alone. It is heart-breaking to see their suffering: “I believed in him, that he will marry me also legally, with papers, but it wasn’t like this. And I don’t want to have another man, I just want one, so he is the one,. But I am strong, I can raise my children alone, I can give them everything they need”. So, they are continuening their lifes alone with their children. And because they work all day to support their children, they are not home, nobody is at home to take care of them, or maybe just the grandmother, but most of the times, the older brother or sister, which has 5-6 years, takes care of the rest.

            Some of the women, from time to time, asks me to marry his husband or his neighbour, eventhough they know our custom is different, but they are saying that just to see my reaction, they already know that we can not handle that, we can not accept that. One of them asked me once: “You, what can I do to make my husband to love me?” A question that I never heard before, and franckly I didn’t know what to answer. She told that he is all the time with the other woman. I just ask her, if she is happy that he has another wife, she answered: “Of course!” I was stonned. “I just asked you that, to see your reaction. You, the European women, cannot stand the idea of sharing your husband”, she continued. And right she was.  We continued our discusion, and slowly I could see the sadness in her eyes, she was proud to be “the first woman”, that was her only joy and confort. But she was telling me all that with a serenity that, even today I cannot understand it. From where they have all that peace in their soul? Why did they seem happier then the rest? And all the conversions are ending with “Yalla baax na!!!” – God is good!!! After that last sentence, I started to get it: the thing that makes them happy, is their faith!!!! The faith that God is good, the hope that God is there, and everything they do, everything that they suffer or maybe don’t like, is for God. All the sacrifices that they are making is for God. That makes sens..

            Maybe I cannot say all the things I am living here, all the things that I wanted, but one thing I can say, I feel lucky to know them, all the women are holy for the life they are living, by the things they are doing for their children, for giving themselves all the way, without regret. There are a lot of saints in the world that people don’t know, half of them are the women from Senegal.

The distance – the node that makes a friendship stronger

It has been a long time since I last wrote, and its not that I want to excuse myself, but I really didn’t had much time.

Like I last said I am in mission with Heart’s Home, the french mouvement of friendship and compasion. I am in Senegal for almost 3 months now, and although the beginning was hard and not that pleasant, now I am adjusted and starting to like the country and its people.

Heart’s Home it’s not a mouvement where you can just give yourself to others, but also it’s the place where you can learn a lot for yourself, for your own life. The things you must face, the people you meet, everything we do together teach us “the school of life”. In Senegal, we are 8 young people in the house, from all over the world: I am Romanian, there is an Indian, a Senegalaise, 2 French people, one Argentinean, one Chillinese, and an Italian. Together we are trying to live our mission.

One of the things we do here is “Community and Liberation”, the school of Don Giussani, a priest who started this kind of school for the young people, who where desoriented after finishing their studies in the ‘60. In this meeting we choose a text (a spiritual text), we read it, once, twice, three times, we analisyed it and we comment it. And one of the texts talked about friendship, what it means a strong, good and true friendship. We all know in theory what a friendship means: listen to our friend, be there for him/her in need and in joy, communcation etc. But from my own experience, not all friendships “survive” in time. Am I right or not?

This text talks about the need of the distance for the growth of the relationship, and it says: “The distance and respect towards the other are the fundamental conditions of a friendship”. I love this sentence. And of course reading the text, I thought about my own friends, about the history I have with each and one of them. We were almost all the time together, making a lot of things: going out, going to the same university, studying together, eating the same lunch etc. And it was wonderful, we loved every single moment. But from time to time, one of us was isolating, she didn’t talk anymore, didn’t call, didn’t answer to her phone. I admit that I insisted a lot for her to talk with me, to share with me her pain or her difficult moment, but didn’t quite think that maybe she needs a moment just for herself, and beeing angry and disappointed I just left her. Not a good reaction. Instead of being patient and to pray, I prefered to be angry and to leave her alone. Of course after a while, we began to talk to each other, but not because I understood, but because I thought she would change.

This text talks about being friends in the same faith and hopes, believing in God and praying one for each other. I like the sound of that: “..and if the two of them share the same faith, if the pray one for each other, the faith and the prayer they can just make the friendship stronger and deeper, it can never make diminish it”, and it continues by saying: “If in a friendship, the two of them are always agreeing with each other, are always having the same preferences and are hating the same things, it will be just a monotony, even worst: the friendship will never be productive. And friendship, by its nature has two parts: the part where you give, and the part where you receive, it must bring fruits by exchanging the particularities, the differences.”

I remembered my friends, the fact that we are all so different, so special in our own way. And now that I am so far away from them, I can see the truth of this text. At the beginning I was saying and thinking that I will not be there for them in their need, I cannot help them anymore, and I also had the fear that they will slowly forget me, that we would not be friends anymore. Who can be friend with a person which is a million miles away, cannot talk very often, and it will rest there for more then a year? But after just 3 months, and especially after reading this, I must say I was all wrong to think all those things. My friends are writing me often, some of them are even sending me post cards, they are all supporting me, and we try to talk as much as we can. It’s nice to see that we are friends, so close friends, but we are walking in our own way, every own of us in its own direction, but together. We are all growing up so beautifully. I learned to love my friends as they are, wherever they are.

I will finish by saying THANKS to all of my friends, and see you soon. Big hugs from Africa!

P.S. The text is written by Adrienne von Spyre

Important things happens every day...

     For some time now, i was maybe complaining to often about my dull life, that i do not feel like i am doing something important, like all my dreams are just fading away..So, one day i decided to change all that, because after all we have the power to make our dreams come true. I, of course, had help from people that i never imagined they could influence me with something, and finally I met, what i think to be,  planned for me from a long time: Heart's!!
     This organization is world wide, it started in France, but in short time spread all over the world, and I am one of the lucky young people that decided to try something different, useful with my life. This is the international link for those who want to know more http://heartshome.org/?lang=en .After a few weeks in which i spend time with the missionary girls here in my country, and i thought about this decision very good, i come to the idea of going too. So I applied, and waited for an answer, and finally i got one: i will go in Dakar - Senegal!!! This video presents the place and people from Dakar, and makes me to get there already :)) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xss_L9sGu5k
     I will stay there for more then a year, in which i really hope that everything will be ok, for the people that i will meet, but also for me!
     Like i said in the title, important things happens every day, and this news, this decision is important for me. In this time i noticed the people that really are my friends, people who, no matter how, they support me and they are here for me, with me.
    I will try to post photos, videos and articles about the amazing life in Dakar. Meanwhile, i wish that all of you transfrom their dreams into reality! 

Different kind of feelings...

   Weird things happens all the time, but when they are happening one after another, the situation can become really confusing. In the last two weeks, although i haven't had a busy schedule, i can say that many hings happened, and i cannot stop wondering what are their purpose?
   I believe that every little thing that happens in your life, every person that you meet is not a coincidence, everything and everyone has a purpose, bigger or smaller, but still a purpose in your life. The small things that happened this week for me, were begining to mess up with my head: they were producing strange thoughts, doubts, maybe one regret that i have right now, and all of these lead to confusion, in a moment that i have to 100% sure of what i must do. So, a few minutes ago, something happened, someone happened, and after the small conversation that i had with him, i realized that everything else that happened this week, was all about feelings, past feelings, present and future ones. And now I know, now I know exactly what everything meant,..
    The first person that looked for me, didn't give me emotions because i still had something, but because of all the pain he caused me, it wasn't nostalgia, it was sadness, and it troubled me because maybe i still have some wounds that are not healed,..
   But the person that i have just talked to, made me feel good, gave hope and faith, even though he didn't say much, i felt him that he was with me, in every decision that i make, and that maybe he has more faith in me than i do, although he doesn't know me that well, we just didn't had the time..Different kind of feelings that people can give you..but this is good, because that's how we realized what we have, what we want, and more importantly what we feel, what is important to us: looking in the past? or looking towards the future?
   He said that we will meet again, eventough for that we will have to wait almost 2 years. Well, i prefer to meet someone from an instable future, then to meet with the person that i know in the past..I prefer to have hope and faith that..nothing is a coincidence...

Innamoratevi..Indragostiti-va...Fall in love!!

     This video that i've seen so early in the morning, gave me the impulse of life! not love, like it should have, but life! The passion from his voice, his gestures, his whole body was feeling the love for poetry, and with poetry, for love itself..
      We all are humans, with feelings and expectations, with emotions and impulses, we all make mistakes, and we all get hurt, but the beauty of it all is exactly this: in all we do, all of our experiences, we feel!!! What we feel, and the fact that we allow ourselfs to feel, makes life beautiful and worth living, without those we are nothing. "Fall in love, because without love everything is dead"...And he is right, absolutely right, and i know this because in the last few months, i was running, maybe i am still running from the chances of falling in love with someone, because its easier, and safer for my heart, in other words i was beeing a coward. :)), funny though, i never thought that i could ever be one,. maybe sometimes we become somebody that we don't like, without even knowing...
       Anyway, hope that you like the video, and sorry that's in Italian, i couldn't find one with subtitles..still the passion form his body, will give you all that you need to understand, that fallin in love, and to love is the most important gift that we have, and we should do that without fear..

Untouchables...

    Incet incet simtim cum ne pierdem in valvataia vietii. Facem atatea lucruri, si incercam sa fie cat mai diverse pentru a ne simti cat mai vii, si uneori reusim, iesim putin din tipar, dar valurile zilnice ale vietii ne cuprind din nou si din nou, si din nou.. Ne simtim prinsi ca intr-un cerc vicios, din care nu mai reusim sa iesim, si ne simtim pierduti,..Ne trezim intr-o dimineata intrebandu-ne ce este important pentru noi? si de ce? Ce ne face pe noi sa vrem sa ne ridicam din pat dimineata? ce ne face sa vrem sa traim? Serviciul nostru? Prietenii nostri? Ce este de fapt important pentru noi?
     Am vazut astazi un film care sincera sa fiu m-a impresionat mult. Iar melodia de la final cuprinde intr-adevar esenta acestui film, din acest motiv o si postez. In mine trezeste un sentiment, care probabil a fost demult uitat: cel de iubire fata de aproapele, fara limite si fara recompense. Pacat ca ne pierdem atat de usor in aceasta lume plina de egoism, mandrie si rautate. Din fericire sunt si oameni care pot mai mult, care vor mai mult, si ne arata noua, restului lumii, ca se poate, ca sentimentele frumoase exista si se pot darui. Acest film ne ofera o raza de speranta, sau cel putin asta imi arata mie..Sper sa va placa!